u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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