apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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