That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
