she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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