I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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