so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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