I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize