I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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