The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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