Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My vagina is very pro this idea
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
