just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just pee around me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
