____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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