It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
