need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
