You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
