watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
