btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
