i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
