someone get that fucking seahorse.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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