boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
