her vagine was all disorganized.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
