I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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