I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
