did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
