On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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