dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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