im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
