he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
