Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
