I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
