I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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