Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
