I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
