i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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