God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
