Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
