i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we're making bets on your personal life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
