i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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