Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
