my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
