I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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