god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
