Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
