Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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