You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
