I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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