Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
