my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
zippers are such a cool invention
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
