there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
