Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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