wanna go halves on a baby?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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