The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
