Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
