I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wanna bring you to show and tell
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
