i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
