so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
