When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
