In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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