The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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