The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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