He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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