Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
