The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
