The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
