They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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