she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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