so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
