when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
