Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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