Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
