considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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