I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
