You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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