Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
