ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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