I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
my nose is crying tears of wow.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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